Subscribe to my YouTube Channel

Subscribe to my youtube channel to catch all of my videos, they won't all be listed here on my blog. The channel is:

http://www.youtube.com/biglew27

Here's my latest video, Dillon playing Slow Ride on Expert mode on Guitar Hero III.

Your parents really are smarter than you...

...even if you don't want to admit it.

My mom managed to educate me on the joke I blogged about earlier. DUDE, how easy is THIS?

What do two WRIGHTS make? An AIRPLANE. The Wright brothers. People, I thought you would know that.

They say that you are supposed to associate those people who can make you a better person, those that are as smart or smarter than you...well, do I need to get new friends?

I don't get it

Someone help me understand this joke. Dillon just read it on the Nickolodeon Website:


Q - If two wrongs do not make a right, what do two rights make?

A - An Airplane

I don't get it. Someone help me.

Merry Christmas!

From one of the webs funniest sites...

He's a baller...

Dillon's basketball practice. His coach sure is a lot tougher than last years coach. I think that's a good thing.

Still working on the resolution for these videos. Maybe YouTube has a tutorial video or something...

The Butterfly Dance

OK, here's a YouTube file. The video definitely lost some of its clarity, I'll have to experiment, hopefully the quality will get better.

So, Butterfly Dance. I think Kylie covered more ground as a butterfly than anyone.



Have a warm week...

Kylie's Ballet

We had the pleasure of visiting Kylie's ballet class tonight. Here's a video. Quite impressive, I must say!

I'm just learning how to post videos on this blog, so be patient. I used the video service that comes with this blog, but it sure seems to make small videos. I'm going to try using Youtube, I'll let you know here if it goes better.

What do YOU want for Christmas?

I want the Show'N'Tell phono viewer on page 85 of the 1971 Sears Catalog.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/wishbook/collections/72157600003636126/

What I did tonight

Call me old, call me a fuddy duddy, call my taste in music queer, but I just saw an ABBA documentary. They were awesome. Did you know that the only musical acts to EVER sell more records than them were Elvis and the Beatles. Now, do you call THAT queer taste?

To add to music news, Van Halen is announcing their tour next week, with the original VH bad boy, DLR. Not sure if I'm man enough to see that show. I spent most of my white trash kitchen pass to go see ZZTOP (which were NOT white trash), but, David Allen Coe on the other hand...

BUT, we can't just let all of our white trash go, so, tomorrow night, I'm going see XCW - eXtreme Championship Wrestling in the wrestling capital of the world - DENTON, TX. $10 to get in, bring your own beer. BRING MY OWN BEER. It must be GENIUS day at the wrestling arena. Josh got him and his big brother WWF Tag Team championship belts. I think we may wear them in just to show we're legit, not just some drunk poser punks. That's Friday night.



Saturday afternoon - we head to what is effectionately known as the Vodkaplex to see Rush. All you need to know is that it's an ampitheater, and we have lawn seats and beer will cost, well...it will cost us dearly I'm sure. But, I pay extra for quality, so I don't feel so bad.


I'll be thinking of each of you as I relive my fleeding youth, again.

Where's your dinner plate

Kylie, last night, as usual, took about an hour to "finish" her dinner. I was in the living room and I had her bring me her plate to see if she was "finished" enough to come away from the table. I said she was. She got some ice cream later in the evening and then it was bed time. As I was walking down the hall downstairs, the hall closet door was partially open. I went to close it but something was in the way. I opened the door to clear the obstruction. What could it have been? YES, it was her DINNER PLATE. Apparently she didn't understand earlier when I said she could be finished, so, now we have to deal with her lying. As a result, she got spanked (I HATE doing that, but there's a standing "spanking" penalty in my house for lying.) It's a zero tolerance policy. Today she gets no snacks between meals, maybe that will help her be hungrier for dinner.

Her bed is still dry in the morning, but Suzanne's not convinced it's "clean". She things she's actually peed in it at night, but it's dry come morning.

What's new with you?

Rosie turns down The Donald, Kylie doesn't pee in her bed

So, BIG news this week...

Rosie, the idiot's Rush Limbaugh, has turned down an offer from The Donald to be on The Apprentice. Damn, I was contemplating starting to watch that show, but without her on it, I STILL have no reason to watch it.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,291363,00.html

BIGGER NEWS -
Little miss Kylie has graduated from pullups at night to panties!!! You would think it was the day before that girl graduated from college when we made the transition. She sure is proud of herself. Let's hope we don't have to do too much laundry in the coming weeks.

James and Rachelle - How's Colorado? Have you become Liberals yet?

Things have been kind of slow, I've been at home and not travelling too much. In fact, I've travelled so little, I'm not sure I'll be able to keep my gold status with American next year. Hey, there's worse things in the world. I'm in Chicago in 2 weeks, Memphis the week after that, and then a few weeks after that, NY, NY, other than that, no travelling.

How's the neck? Thanks for asking! I'm doing fairly well. Very little stiffness, and it's not preventing me from sleeping at night (my own psychosis is keeping me from sleeping, but not my neck.) However, I think it will still be about another year before I am as good as I'm going to get. It's not keeping me from golfing or drinking beer, so I can't ask for much more than that right now.

OK, that's it, not too much else to report. Have a good week!

About time this idiot got his walking papers

CU Professor gets FIRED

Jeff Lewis on TV

No, not me, although some people might argue that we're more similar than different. If you have 15 minutes, watch the video, he's got to be a pleasure to work for.

Jeff Lewis - Flipping Out

Enjoy your week, I'm off to Shreveport, WOO HOO!!!

You got robbed by a WHAT???!!!!

I was working in Manchester just a few weeks ago. If I would have known that robbing a bank was so easy when I was there. JUST KIDDING...

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,288542,00.html

Don't mess with Texas

I found this today. Seriously, it may be old but the addage holds true, you don't mess with Texas.

Texans Elect Gun

Other goings on:

DFW is still flooding. The golf course I go hack on is running out of holes for people to play on. It backs up to a lake and the lake is rising and flooding out the course. It's so wet, that I actually saw a beaver on the course the other day. A BEAVER!!!

VISTA - OMG - it's a completely different world, and I'm not liking it. It's like...everythings, oh, I don't know, DIFFERENT.

TRAVEL - Got stuck in Chicago the other day. Literally, STUCK. Got to the airport at 3:30, waited for a flight til 10, almost everything was cancelled (weather all over the country), jumped in a rental car, got to my hotel 25 miles away (nothing closer was available), got on the phone with AA at midnight, wrapped the call up at 1 am, woke up at 3:30 for a 6AM flight. I heard it took some people over 2 days to get out of O'Hare.

Speaking of travel, anyone else getting tired of every road becoming a toll road?

Not much else happening. Working from home most of this week and heading to one of the nicest cities I've ever seen, Shreveport. In a couple of months I'll be heading to Manhattan on assignment, my wife is NOT happy about it. She just needs to realize the amount of sacrifice I make for my family. It's tough going from Shreveport to Manhattan, it's like going from New Orleans to Chicago (inside family joke).

Peace...

If I EVER find these people

Costing me all that money...

http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/07/03/beer.kegs.ap/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

Where does the time go?

So, somewhere around 26 1/2 years ago I moved away from the Chicagoland area, back to the motherland, south Louisiana. Today, I was fortunate enough to be in the Chicagoland area on business and I made my way to 245 Windsor Drive in Bolingbrook, IL. My, how time has chaned that house AND neighborhood.

BEFORE

AFTER

Gar, who be readin my blog?

Wikihow comes through again...

Learn to talk like a pirate

Barack Obama headed toward victory...

Barack Obama Tiger Beat Cover Clinches Slumber Party Vote

How to get rid of lice

Jeep Commander - Slower than a Peugot

So, continuing on my quest to bring my loyal readers information they can use, here is my 2nd installment in my series of rental car reviews. This time, the 4 door Jeep Commander, in white.

Initial thought, looks like a refrigerator box. Second thought, looks like a refrigerator box.

Third and Fourth thoughts, "this has ABSOLUTELY no power". I figure they must've taken any left over Peugot engines from France and put them in this vehicle. Now, to be fair, it's a rental car and I'm sure they didn't ask for the biggest engine they make, at least I hope they didn't, because it's lacking in power.

There are some really cool things about the Jeep Commander though. It has seating for 7. The far rear seats fold down really easily. On this particular model, there were rear air controls, a sun roof and these two other windows which were like sky lights in your living room. Weird, but provided for tons of natural light (if you ever watch House Hunters, you get the reference.) It came with Cirius Radio which was awesome.

There were some really uncool things as well. I've mentioned the power, it was lacking. Did I mention the lack of power though? There wasn't much umph in this thing at all. The windshield was too small as well. I equate it to driving around town with your sun visors down all the time, there was that little real estate to look out of. Even though it was lacking in power (did I mention that?), I did take it to the Rocky Mountains to see if it was "Trail Rated", it passed.

At a sticker of $37,000 though, I can't recommend it. If your negotiating skills are sharp, you can get a Tahoe or Expedition for that price. I give it a 3 out of 5.

Question - for all you green thumbs - what do I do to get rid of my dalisgrass, nutgrass, and crabgrass? I'm almost to the point of putting down salt, that should kill it...

My kids are TOTALLY bored this summer, ALREADY. Dillon has been asking me to go to "guy stuff" lately. We've been riding bikes, but he really wants to go play Putt Putt. We might go do that today and have a guys lunch of Subway.

Signed,
Oozing testosterone...

Chevy Suburban - Environmentally Conscious

I told you I'd start reviewing the cars I rent. Here's the first in that installment, the 2007 Chevy Suburban.

First off, it's bigger than the dorm room I used to live in, and maybe even bigger than the first apartment I had. Many of my early automobiles would fit INSIDE this thing. If I still had my motorcycle and I had a Surburban, there would be no need to trailer the bike anywhere, I could just drive the bike into this urban assault vehicle (Stripes reference).

So, I get to Avis to pick up my, err, "car", and I was shocked to see the size of this thing. My first thought was, how am I going to pay for the gas in this thing? Certainly it just barely gets better mileage than a Sherman tank. I was correct. 161 miles cost me nearly $40 to fill back up. With the price of gas, that translated to around 14 miles / gallon, of which almost all was highway. Here's my list of pro's and con's with the vehicle.

Pro - Roomy enough for a family of 40
Con - Now you have to take your neighbors with you everywhere you go

Pro - You can feel free to bully people on the highway, they'll all get out of your way
Con - NOT

Pro - Room enough for the soccer team AND snacks
Con - Try to find a place to park. Not even in the garage...

Pro - Chevy did a nice job upgrading the dash. No more of that cheap looking plastic stuff
Con - I'm sure it costs $8k more for the better plastic

Pro - Heated seats!!!
Con - How do you turn them off???

It was a decent vehicle (even if it had a dvd player and no blue tooth!), and I'm sure it has it's utility, but it's not the vehicle for me. I've got an Expedition I desperately want to downsize, but I can't find good reason to get rid of a car that's paid for and take on a new car note.

I give the Suburban a 3 1/2 out of 5. Great power, size, and nice interior but poor, POOR, mileage and just plain difficulty driving around town. Check out this vehicle if you're a soccer mom, a construction worker who has to carry around a bunch of equipment, or a clown with a large clown family (get it, they always travel around in the little cars and like 40 of them come out)???

Next review, Jeep Commander. Hint, it doesn't get close to a 3 1/2.

Oh, by the way, JAMES LANDRY, of Debcoe Road in Austin, Texas, if you throw another comment like that on my blog, your cell phone and address go up on my site. You've been warned. ;-)

Where's all the new posts?

Yeah, I haven't put any out there.

Been busy as of late, travelling to the land of liberals and liberals. Just got back from a trip to Boulder, CO and then to Manchester, NH where the political debates were going on. Wow, I love how people get all defensive of that unelectable beauty queen Hillary. I hope she gets the nomination.

Even though I haven't been blogging, I've been dreaming up great ideas for this kickin blog of mine. Look soon for rental car reviews (salivating already, aren't you?). I drive so many different cars, some are awesome, some just completely suck. Upcoming reviews include (all 2007 models) Chevy Suburban, Jeep Commander, and Chrysler Town and Country.

I'm also going to figure out how to incorporate an online photo album to this blog.

Many have asked how the job has been going now that I'm back on the road. Answer - fine. I'm extremely busy, but it sure beats the alternative. Like I said, I just got back from Colorado and New Hampshire and have visits in the coming weeks to Chicago, Mississippi, and Shreveport (apparently, someone already thinks I've visited enough cool places). As cool travel stories present themselves, I'll post those here too. I've decided that if I'm going to travel the country, I'm going to see the country. I started by driving throught the Rocky Mountains in Colorado and that's about as far as I've gotten. Who knows, you may soon see pictures from Wrigley field, or...the Isle of Capri in Bossier City.

Other news...Kylie had her first dance recital this past weekend. The 4 year olds were EXTREMELY cute. I can't say the same for the Jr. High and High School kids, however. It was very disturbing to watch all of the suggestive movements they were making (yes, I'm talking sexually suggestive), and their costumes left little to the imagination. One group came out in Catholic School girl outfits with the white button down shirts tied in a knot (just like the Brittney Spears video). Another group came out with feathers on their rear, dancing to "Shake Your Tail Feather". Wouldn't if have been easier for me to have 2 boys? This "dance" studio won't get anymore of my money. However, if any of you would like your daughter to become a pole dancer, I recommend it wholeheartedly.

OK, so, what's been going on in your world. How about a comment back to the blog to let me know how you all are? If you can't figure out the password thing, just post anonymously and put your name at the end of your post.

Hasta Luigi

Inmates rights

These jerks in prison have more rights than you or me. Ridiculous.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,277254,00.html

Tragedy

Broadway actor Nelson Reilly dies

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Comic actor Charles Nelson Reilly, a lauded Broadway performer and campy game show guest in the 1970s and 1980s, has died in Los Angeles, a representative for the actor said on Monday.

Reilly, one of the few openly gay performers of his generation, died of complications from pneumonia at a Los Angeles hospital overnight on Friday, Dawn Altyn, a spokeswoman for the actor's one-man show said.

Reilly's health had been declining for about a year, Altyn said. He was 76.

He last performed his autobiographical show, "Save It For the Stage: The Life of Reilly" in 2004, and a filmed version of the show is due to be released to theaters in October.

Reilly won a Tony Award in 1962 for his role in "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying" and was nominated again in 1964 for "Hello, Dolly!" and in 1997 for directing "The Gin Game."

He also received multiple Emmy Award nominations over his five-decade television career, but it was his lengthy turn as a game show panelist on "The Match Game" and "Hollywood Squares" that made him a pop culture fixture.

The bespectacled, pipe-smoking actor cruised the edge of 1970s TV propriety with his double-entendres about his openly gay persona. He later speculated that being a game show panelist had hurt his acting career.

He also was known for his roles in the 1970s in two children's programs, "Lidsville" and "Uncle Croc's Block" and the TV series "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir."

In the early 1990s, he directed several episodes of the TV series "Evening Shade," and in the past few years performed the voice of The Dirty Bubble for the hit cartoon series "SpongeBob SquarePants."

The Bronx-born Reilly is survived by his longtime partner, Patrick Hughes.

Wooden spoon prank

If you EVER wanted to prank someone, consider this prank, it's awesome.

The J. Peterman Coat

We got a J. Peterman catalog in the mail today (you may be familiar with the company from old Seinfeld episodes, J. Peterman was Elaine's boss. Even though the show was ficticious, the company is real.) I had to read a few of the descriptions of the clothes they offer. I found the J. Peterman Coat to be eloquaintly defined.

"Classic horseman's duster protects you, your rump, your saddle and your legs down to your ankles.

Because it's cut very long to do the job, it's unintentionally very flattering. With or without a horse.

Although I live in horse country, I wear this coat for other reasons. Because they don't make Duesenbergs anymore."

Seriously, who's on their writing staff?

J. Peterman Catalog Online

Internal decapitation

I thought I had it bad...this poor girl.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18841567/

That's so underground

More wasted time

Got back from Boulder last night, er, this morning (got home about 1:00 this AM). ANOTHER crappy flight, but I gotta tell ya, the view at the base of the Rocky Mountains is awe inspiring. You can just look at the beautiful scenery and know there's a God, there's no way this stuff is made by accident. It was AMAZING.

What else is amazing is the flight I had back from Colorado, it went something like this:

5:10 board
5:23 ground stop in dallas
6:05 delayed at least another hour, going back to gate
6:10 We'll know more at the top of the hour
7:05 delayed until 8:36
7:35 we can board, they lifted the ground stop
7:45 we have to change flight crews, they're illegal now
9:55 (time change) - FREE BEER
10:10 we have a reroute and have to come in from the east, this is going to add 30 min to our flying time, we're scheduled to land at 11:10. I can't wait to see how long we sit after we land, if we land at dfw at all...
10:37 bride to be takes shots because she's missing her bachelorette party tonight
11:09 LANDED
11:39 get to gate
11:42 we can't find a gate agent. We called and DEMANDED one
11:46 we have a gate agent, thank you for flying American Airlines

By the way, the picture of the house, that's the facade for Mork and Mindy. It took place in Boulder. Thanks to the one person who anonymously posted a comment guessing what the house was. To the rest of you who didn't bother, you have to tell me you visited my blog every once in a while if you want me to keep posting this gibberish.

My new favorite song

I totally recommend their website. Thanks for my brother alerting me to this quality song.Http://goawayparis.com

We love to fly, and it shows

So, today was my first business trip since I got hurt back in September and it was an incredible journey. Let me take you through my day...

9:00 - show up at the gate for a 9:10 boarding time. They announce that there were some maintenance issues and we may or may not board on time. Time for a McMuffin...

9:10 - boarding starts, on time

9:15 - I board seat 20F, an exit row seat that doesn recline. After you read the rest of my day, you'll understand why I was in such misery. I sat in that seat for HOURS today.

9:45 - captain comes on and announces that the logbook has to be updated (it's real important) and that we'll be leaving in 5 or 10 minutes

10:00 - captain comes on and says that we're still updating the log book and it will be a little longer, we're bringing extra juice and coffee on board to compensate

10:15 - sit down, we're getting ready to leave

10:25 - we pull away from the gate

10:30 - "we're 12th in line for takeoff"

10:32 - "the airport is closed due to weather, feel free to get up, stretch your legs, use your approved electronic devices...)

11:45 - we take off

1:05 - we land (1 hour time difference, land 2 hours, 25 minutes late)

1:10 - "the jet bridge isn't working properly, we're going to have maintenance performed on it and we'll be off the plane in a minute"

1:18 - "the jet bridge is apparently owned by the city, they've been called and we're waiting on them to show up"

1:25 - we get to exit via the rear of the plane, yes, the pic below is from my flight today.

1:40 - I get to Avis to get my car, they gave me a kickin Surburban, leather, wood grain, heated seats I can't figure out how to turn off, DVD player. I was really wanting to use the integrated blue tooth, yeah, it has none. Has ALL that stuff and no blue tooth? Man, those are BIG cars, don't think I ever want something that size.

2:30 - 5:00 - worked at the church and left and went by this house. Who used to live there? Post your guess in the comments section. Hint - The house is in Boulder, CO.

My next vacation

I know where I want to go on my next vacation. Well, that's not true, I'm not sure WHERE I want to go, but I know WHO I want to plan it. Beertrips.com. These people are GENIUS.

Other news... I got my hair cut for the first time today since I shaved it on Dec 29. Yeah, I was WAY overdue. Tomorrow marks my first business trip since I got hurt. You can bet I'll have a night light with me and that my path to the bathroom will be clear.

Have a swell week.

I feel so good about myself

Keith Richards - "I snorted my father"

It's not easy for people to pull off looking like an old leather saddlebag AND have a bitchin moustache.

Global warming problems solved

Thanks to Sheryl Crow, we've got the solution, and it was more simple than you think. She's got some "Genius" ideas floating out there, I hope I see them all implemented in my lifetime. Although, for this to happen, we're going to have to take the Air Marshals and turn them into Toilet Marshals. No one ever said saving a planet would be easy. Here's what our pop star genius said she wants to do to save the Earth:

"I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required."

and this...

"I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the height of wastefulness. I have designed a clothing line that has what's called a "dining sleeve." The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve," after usage. The design will offer the "diner" the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold."

and finally, there couldn't be a better way to get a recording contract and have people take you seriously.

"This next idea I have been saving but I will share it with you if you promise not to steal it. It is my latest, very exciting idea for creating incentive for us all to minimize our own personal carbon footprints. It's a reality show. (I feel pretty certain NO ONE has thought of this yet!) Here is the premise: the contest consists of 10 people who are competing for the top spot as the person who lives the "greenest" life. This will be reflected in the contestant's home, his business, and his own personal living style. The winner of this challenging, prestigious, contest would receive what??. . . . a recording contract!!!!!?

This broad is out of touch with humanity. There's nothing I'd want more than a rewashable sleeve that I can wipe my leaky nose on all day while at the office. How disgusting is that? And speaking of disgusting, how big of a square of toilet paper do you need to get the job done in one square? I can barely blow my nose in one square. If I had a dining sleeve however...see...they two are mutually benificial. What a whack job.

Contratulations to you Rocket fans, they won their first game of the NBA playoffs. I can't say as much for those Dallas Mavericks. They got their tail ends handed to them by Golden State, of all teams. It's a great week for sports though, tonight is a do or die playoff appearance for the Stars. They're playing in game 7 and the series is tied at 3. Dallas was down 3 - 1 and has mounted a comeback campaign. I hope they can pull it off.

Hope to settle with workers comp this week. Everyone hold your breath, it's bound to happen this time!

Have a good week.

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, you're workers comp

Yeah, so I met with the doctor who does impairment ratings today. He said he'll do the paperwork and get everything turned into WC within 48 hours. He said they could close the case out by early next week, that'd be awesome. I'm so tired of dealing with them and that loser of a doctor that has my case. The good news is, settling the case doesn't mean I'm not entitled to anymore medical "care" from them. That's supposed to be a lifetime thing. So, I'm going to try ONE MORE TIME to get physical therapy approved b/c it really did help and I really did regress when I stopped going.

Other news, yeah, same old life. Work going good, kids are "great" (Dillon can't sit still, Kylie still lies, other than that, they're awesome), Suzanne's play opens tomorrow night and they're all stressed out about it. Oh, and I got the car in the garage today for the first time in about a century. After the garage sale and the sale of the bike, I still have almost no room, but at least I can get the car in now.

Das it - peace out.

Here comes the end, it's just the beginning

So, tomorrow I go for what's supposed to be a "final" evaluation with a special doctor who gives me the all clear, "you're all better", "have a good life", "you be careful now"... The issue is, as anyone who has followed my "column" knows, I SERIOUSLY doubt this is the end. Next will be arguing over the impairment rating, secondary medical opinions, and who knows what else. It's been nearly 7 months since my injury, my guess is I'm 1/2 way done with getting this whole thing settled. I think I'm going to have a Workers Comp Settlement / 40th Birthday combo party. Consider this your "hold the date" notification.

SWEET, Dancing with the Stars just came on. I can't wait to see what Leeza Gibbons dances tonight. Oh crap, she's been eliminated. Dang!!! I mean, I can see the appeal to this "sport" if you're a guy, the girls are gorgeous (Well...not Leeza), but really, it's pretty feminine. It's like saying, "The girls in couples ice skating are really good looking, but he's prettier than she is". It's just not a "sport" where I see the guys really being masculine. That said, I go to Hooters for the wings!

Directions to Paris, France please

So, my brother told me how to get to Paris from home. Use the magic of Google maps and you can get anywhere from here. This will make you laugh. To find directions to Paris, France from Dallas, Texas, do this:

Go to http://maps.google.com
Click on "Get Directions"
In the box on the left, type "Dallas, Tx", in the box on the right, type "Paris, France"
Click the "Get Directions" button off to the right
Look at line 26.
Laugh

Man, think how much you could save in airfare by not flying.

Have fun

Lots of new news

OK, so, it's been less than a week since I've posted last, and I've gotten into the habit of not posting as many entries because it's the same old blah blah as the day / week before. Well, you wanted new news, you got it!

First - The biggest news of the CENTURY. The Donald beats Vince at Wrestlemania, and Vince gets his head shaved. What? You didn't see it! Well...today's your lucky day, here's the link.

Second - The bike sold last week. It was a sad day held by all, BUT, it's for the best. Dillon was upset because he thought I was selling it in our garage sale this weekend and now it can't be. Suzanne was upset for me, but I got over having to sell my bike when I was in the hospital. Things won't ever be the same for me, but it doesn't mean they will be worse. Here she is, just a couple of days before she went to greener pastures.

Third - I have gone back to my old position at Fellowship Technologies, which means I'll be back on the road in about a month. I've gotten 8 new assignments and I'm extremely busy, and couldn't be happier about it. Rest assured, from now on, I'll travel with a night light!!! I've got lots of remote work to do, but I have 3 assignments I'll be travelling to. I'll be visiting some pretty nice cities in Colorado, New Hampshire, and Shreveport (I can hear the envy in your voice as you said "SHREVEPORT"???!!!! Yeah, that's right Shreveport. Sorry 'bout ya!!! Stay tuned for what is sure to be interesting stories from the road.

Fourth - Dad's retirement party was last weekend, and I'm pretty sure we caught him way off guard. Had several people there from his past. Old bosses, co-workers from Houston and Chicago. Great bbq from County Line, lots of beer, a box-o-wine, and good company and roasting. It was a good time. I wonder what the next 33 years will present...

Finally - You saw my post from what seems like an eternity ago, about the dishwasher going out. Well...I FINALLY got around to replacing it today. What a pain in the, uh, I mean that was, no, what I'm trying to say is that it sucked installing it, yeah, that's what I'm trying to say. At any rate, 2.5 hours after uncrating it, I'm finished, and the dishes will be clean (even if they're still in the dishwasher) when Suzanne gets home from play rehearsal.

Enjoy the week!

Something useful

I've been holding off on any new posts because I've got nothing useful to say. I either have complaints about doctors and workers comp or something similar. Today, I'm changing my 'tude. First off, work is going pretty good. Back in my old position and I'm enjoying my new challenges at work. BUT, more important is a new challenge that I've been able to conquer. For those of you who do not know about Wikihow, you're MISSING OUT. Without that, I'd never learn how to be this tough.

Wikihow is awesome. http://www.wikihow.com/Rip-a-Phonebook-in-Half.

Next step, I'm gonna learn how to take a stack of all my bills for the month and rip those, that's about twice as thick as the Dallas Metro Phone Book.

Happy Easter!

Dishwashing Blues

So, Suzanne ran the dishwasher last night and this morning I went into the dishwasher and the dishes were dirty. SO, I thought it must've not run like I thought it did. I turned it on and it started making the most lovely grinding / humming / clankety clank kind of noise, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. So, using my skills in small appliance repair, I start to investigate. I took the panel off of the floor and looked underneath. The motor / water pump (yeah, you know, the MOST EXPENSIVE PIECE in that hunk of junk, had water leaking THROUGH it. SO, no doubt in my mind that motor is bad. Look online for parts, we're looking at 2 C-notes for parts. To make a short story long, what kind of diswasher do you have? Do you like it? Would you recommend it? What kind of features should I look for? Post a response to the blog and tell me your thoughts.

Other note - A-hole Neurosurgeon STILL hasn't dictated the note to workers comp for my physical therapy. I smell a lawyer visit this week or next. I just HATE doing this, but the insurance company doesn't want to play nice...

Workers comp doctors - bottom of the barrel

OK, lemme try to make this story as short as possible (because telling it makes my blood boil). Hang on, I gotta get a beer before I start telling this. OK - now I'm ready.

A little over 2 weeks ago, I did my 30 day evaluation at the therapists office to turn in to workers comp (every 30 days they have to approve more therapy). The last recommendation to them was that I would go from 3x a week to 2x a week for 4 weeks and then most likely be done as I was VERY close to meeting all of my goals set by the therapist. This was on a Tuesday. I should have heard back by Friday at the latest. Well...Friday went by with nothing and I had no PT for the rest of the week. Monday comes and I find out WC denied anymore therapy. SO, the therapist calls me and tells me that the doctor will dictate a note to them stating that I needed more PT and they could give that to WC and it should suffice for another month or two of therapy. So, they should have had all of that turned into the insurance company by Tuesday this week. Well, WTF!!!!! They haven't done one damn thing and I'm so pissed off right now that I could, I could, I could TYPE IN ALL CAPS (yes, I'm THAT mad). I called WC today to find out what's been going on and that lame ass, bottom of the barrel scraping neurosurgeon of mine hasn't bothered to dictate the frickin message. How F'ing hard is it to simply talk into a tape recorder and say "Jeff needs more physical therapy". REALLY, I can do it, and I bet most of my friends and family can too. This is bullshit. So, now I'm waiting to hear back from the therapist as they are calling the doctor as I type. I will wait to see what the doctor says and then I will call them myself. I'm wondering if a lawyer could help me understand if there's any neglect on his or anyone elses part here. I'm so damn fed up with this whole process that one of these medical "professionals" is about to pay. I just can't stand it.

On a lighter note
Kylie spent 45 minutes "finishing" her dinner the other night (my guess is Murphy really enjoyed whatever it was she was eating, but I'm only speculating here) and then asked if she could have a piece of candy, I said she could have ONE piece. She dug in the candy jar and then started running upstairs. I told her to come back down and take something up that she had left in the living room. That's when I saw her little hand FULL of candy. I asked her how many pieces she had and she turned her back, took ONE piece out, and put the other hand behind her back. She said "one". "Kylie, you only have ONE piece of candy? You have NONE in your other hand?". She said "No, I just have one". This exchange went on 3 times. Then I pulled her hand out from behind her back, she was busted. When I opened her hand she had two more Hershey's Kisses in it. She looked at me and said "I just changed my mind". She immediately went into self preservation mode by dropping her candy and covering her butt. Unfortunately for her, I'm bigger and stronger. She took a spanking and went to bed. I'm sure that I'll be able to instill the importance of telling the truth to her before she turns 5. I'll have no problems in the future. I'm so lucky that way.

Have a great weekend. We're heading to an OUTDOOR wedding tomorrow. We have a slight chance for rain tomorrow (which means it will ONLY rain during the ceremony).

LEWIS -OUT (Does Ryan Secrest still say that?)

Google has the coolest stuff

I found this. Next best thing to GPS on your phone. Shows you businesses, sattelite images, it's way cool. Check it out.

I LOVE Workers Comp

I've been waiting to start my last month of physical therapy. I thought I should have gotten a phone call yesterday, no call. Today my therapist calls and I said "Oh good, you're calling me to tell me that they've approved my next 3o days of therapy!" She says - "They actually denied the request". I thought she was joking. So, now I have to have them resubmit the request. If that gets denied, I have to go for an impairment rating so I can settle the claim. I can already tell they're going to try to tell me I'm less impaired than I really am. I'm probably at 65 - 75% of my pre-injury range of motion and strenght. That being said, I'd think I'm 25 - 35% impaired. I know I won't get that, but they'd better come close. I'm just FUMING right now. I'm so tired of being the one to put the time and stress into making other people do what's right. I don't know why I should expect anything more than just enough to get by by anyone anymore. Anyway... Perhaps someone there would like to break their neck and let ME handle their claim. Jerks.

On the bright side of life, we're getting ready to go see Kylie's spring show. She says she can't wait because she sings so well. I'm sure she's right.

So, that's it. HERE'S TO WORKERS COMP!!!

Winding down

So, it looks like today Workers Comp should probably approve my last month of physical therapy. I've been going 3x a week for the last two months. Now I should be going twice a week (M & F) for 4 weeks and then be DONE. It will be nice to get on with my life and only have close family and friends kick my butt and not my therapist too.

Other than that, not a whole lot going on in life. Ready to get back to my old job duties and be a "productive" member of society. Going to get the last pieces of chrome off of my bike and listed on eBay and then going to list my bike for sale again this week. Finally the weather is nice and I hope to have a better reaction to my ad than I did the last time I put it out there (in January). It greatly depresses me to have to get rid of it, but, cest la vie... I'll just have to spend my time on the golf course...

I went to the Dallas Stars game yesterday. First time I've ever been to a pro hockey game. Sure is exciting, but more importantly, sure is COLD in there. I went in jeans and a short sleeve shirt. We lasted an hour of the 3 hour match and we left. Being from Texas, I'm sort of a sissy when it comes to cold. So, we left and went to Dicks Last Resort to watch UT lose to Kansas and have a beer and sit outside where it was just a little warmer.

Everyone have a great St. Patty's day.

The greatest song, EVER

Do You Feel UGLY???

Alright, I thought of something today. As I get further and further away from "injured" status and become "normal" again, I realize this is really a Seinfeld blog. It's simply a blog about NOTHING. So, with that said, here's something:

For all that have been asking or wondering why I haven't posted anything about rehab lately, it's because it's the same thing OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER (get the idea?) and OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER again. There just isn't that much to report. They're working on strengthening all the muscles that atrophied over those few months as well as torturing me to get my range of motion back. It's still somewhat hampered, but it's a whole heckuva lot better than it was in early January. I go 3x a week for the next 3 weeks and then we'll hopefully scale back to 2x a week for a month and then maybe I'll be done.

OK, back to nothing. Well, maybe it's not nothing, but something. I've got a tip for all of you that feel ugly. No, it isn't how to look better, we figure by this point in your life you're not going to get any better looking. The tip is for how to come to terms with feeling ugly. I've already made these 5 tips part of my daily routine.

Have a great week.

Forget Overpriced Amusement Parks

As soon as I'm 100%, I'm going to do this...

Navy to Deploy Anti-Terrorism Dolphins

Incredible. Read the article or just look at my favorite paragraph:

Sea lions can carry in their mouths special cuffs attached to long ropes. If the animal finds a rogue swimmer, it can clamp the cuff around the person's leg. The individual can then be reeled in for questioning.
The Navy is seeking public comment for an environmental impact statement on the proposal.

SO, it's wild that a sea lion can do that, but WHY DO THEY NEED AN ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT STATEMENT?????

More bureaucracy...

True Life

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Email? I ain't got no stinkin email!!!

Anyone trying to send email to my yahoo address will be S.O.L. (surely out of luck) for a while apparently. I haven't received a single email to that account since the 9th of Feb. and it looks like I'm not the only one. Yahoo won't talk to you about it unless you pay $39 to talk to their tech support. Pretty poor for a problem that is OBVIOUSLY theirs. All I want is an E.T.A. on when my email will work again. I'm just hoping they're smart enough to actually have saved all of the emails that have been coming in that they can't deliver, although I doubt it.

Short of it all - I'm not ignoring you!!!

Botox baby

Many of you know that I take injections in my neck and back once a week to break up the stress and knots that are persistent in that area. Those injections are AWESOME!!! They provide incredible relief, the problem is, they only provide relief for about 36 hours. So, he said we need to try to get approved for botox. Botox will give relief for up to 6 months, as opposed to a day and a half. Hopefully workers comp will approve in decent time. I'll see if I can get some injections on my forehead and around the eyes as well. So, if the next time I see you I look 10 years younger, you'll understand why.

Other than that, not much new news. Kylie is still thinking she's a pro basketball cheerleader. She's too funny.

Jeff - OUT

Great Sunday

The Saints didn't lose! Geaux Saints!

Nothing new to report. I'm glad Indy won, only because Payton's dad used to be the QB for the Saints. See, the Saints DID win...

Hope you all recover from your hangovers nicely.

Long time, no blog

It's been a few days since I've blogged. I've been extremely busy, so, my apologies for not entertaining you with my wisdom and wit. What have I been doing?

- Rehab 3x a week. Yeah, it's as fun as it sounds
- Back / Neck injections 1x a week. Yeah, it's MORE fun that it sounds
- Work. Still working from home, but working more every day. Lately, it's leaving little time for much else
- Dealing with snow days (global WARMING???!!!)

So, Dillon had a basketball game this morning. He's pretty detached from the game, but he sure does have fun. His sister, on the other hand, is a student of the game. Of basketball? NO! The CHEERLEADERS!!! It's a bunch of what looks like 5 and 6 year old little girls doing cheers. Their cheer today was:

Dribble it
Pass it
Dribble it, pass it, we want a basket.

Kylie corrected me that those weren't the words. The words are supposed to be (according to her):
Dribble it
Pass it
Dribble it, pass it, people want a rasket.

Man, I feel like an idiot saying those wrong lyrics today.

Well...that's it for today. SNL is coming on, hoping to catch Blizzard Man. He's a legend, like the Loch Ness Monster.

The 2nd month

Well...today is 4 weeks that I've had the halo of love off of my head. So, what can I do now that I couldn't do before?

- Drink beer out of a can instead of a longneck
- Take a shower
- Sleep in a bed
- CHANGE MY SHIRT!!!
- Take a shower
- Drive
- Shave
- Take a shower
- Swing a golf club
- Take a shower

What can I still NOT do?

- Turn my head all the way
- Ride my motorcycle (ever)
- Start the lawn mower (darn)
- Lift heavy objects (5 - 10 lbs)
- Skydive
- SCUBA
- Powerlift
- Yoga
- Rock out to Milli Vanilli
- Squat more than 250lbs
- Rugby
- Disobey Workers Comp rules
- Watch The View
- Watch the Saints in the Super Bowl

As you can see, there are still LOTS of things I can't do, but each day I can do more and more. Rehab absolutely STILL sucks, but whatcha gonna do? I try to do my own rehab by swinging the golf clubs for a few minutes in the front yard once or twice a week, but the weather has been so crappy in North Texas, I haven't really been able to do that.

Princess Kylie's birthday party is this weekend. It's a fairy / elf / super hero party. Not sure what type of Fairy I should be? Squiggy?

Have a great weekend.

I Love Rehab

So, I've been in rehab for a few weeks now and all this time I've saying to myself, "Self, this isn't great, but it's not as bad as I thought it'd be". Well, I had another conversation with self today and it went like this, "Self, this COMPLETELY sucks", and I've been saying that all day.

Here's the long and short of it. Because of the way I fell, one of my vertebrae were pushed forward. To "align" it, they had to pull my neck forward and put it in traction in the halo. Now my head sits way in front of my shoulders (reminds me of a very old woman with osteoperosis). Today, while in therapy, they decided that I was "strong" enough to start working on moving my head back on top of my shoulders. That's right, they're going to try to reposition my head!!! So, I'm doing all these stretches, isometric resistance training, chin tucks...all this stuff to get my head back over my shoulders. Let me tell you, after one day, I'm not sure that I wouldn't mind looking like a little old lady. I haven't even had a day to get sore yet and I already feel like crap. Stay tuned for tomorrow's report.

That's all for today. Everyone enjoy the nice weather!!!

Simpler times

I found this picture today on my computer. Ahh, the good old days.

Gettin buff

No, it doesn't mean naked. Physical therapy is making me BUFF. I've been working out with what must amount to 5 ounces of resistance. If I keep this up, I'm going to have to buy new clothes because I'm going to have the neck of a linebacker and the arms of Hulk Hogan.

I've been driving the car for a couple of days. Nothing big, taking Kylie to school, going to therapy, that's about it. They don't mind me driving, walking around and all that stuff, but I've been told to lift nothing heavier than "a gallon of milk". So much for me emptying the groceries. Therapy lasts another month or so and then I have to get re-evaluated to see if we can get workers comp to pay for more. Not holding my breath there...

Still trying to figure out if I'll ever get 100% of my range of motion back, strength...back. I can't imagine I won't have some lifelong lingering effects (even if it is only my huge biceps).

My "workouts" have left me a little sore, but no worse for the wear.

Scars for life

My head looks like I've been shot with a shotgun. I used my handy dandy camera phone to take a pic of the back of my head where the halo was bolted. Everyone told me it was a pretty big gouge, but I didn't believe them. I'll let you be the judge...

Man, I'm tired

Wow, carrying around this big noggin with such a little neck makes for a long day. To quote one of the greatest poets in American History, Classy Freddie Blassie would have called me a "Pencil Neck Geek", and Mike Meyers as the dad in the movie "So I married an axe murderer" would have told me that my head looked like Sputnik. Anyway, I don't care. I'm completely exhausted by 4 pm, but I'm not carrying $2700 worth of titanium bolted to my head anymore, so I'm happy.

Had a great new years celebration, but I was probably the first to go to bed, not even sure if I saw the new year ring in or not.

Will be making appointment to see a physical therapist this week. If I wasn't hurting before, I'm sure I will after...

Have a great new year!!!