Global warming problems solved

Thanks to Sheryl Crow, we've got the solution, and it was more simple than you think. She's got some "Genius" ideas floating out there, I hope I see them all implemented in my lifetime. Although, for this to happen, we're going to have to take the Air Marshals and turn them into Toilet Marshals. No one ever said saving a planet would be easy. Here's what our pop star genius said she wants to do to save the Earth:

"I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required."

and this...

"I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the height of wastefulness. I have designed a clothing line that has what's called a "dining sleeve." The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve," after usage. The design will offer the "diner" the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold."

and finally, there couldn't be a better way to get a recording contract and have people take you seriously.

"This next idea I have been saving but I will share it with you if you promise not to steal it. It is my latest, very exciting idea for creating incentive for us all to minimize our own personal carbon footprints. It's a reality show. (I feel pretty certain NO ONE has thought of this yet!) Here is the premise: the contest consists of 10 people who are competing for the top spot as the person who lives the "greenest" life. This will be reflected in the contestant's home, his business, and his own personal living style. The winner of this challenging, prestigious, contest would receive what??. . . . a recording contract!!!!!?

This broad is out of touch with humanity. There's nothing I'd want more than a rewashable sleeve that I can wipe my leaky nose on all day while at the office. How disgusting is that? And speaking of disgusting, how big of a square of toilet paper do you need to get the job done in one square? I can barely blow my nose in one square. If I had a dining sleeve however...see...they two are mutually benificial. What a whack job.

Contratulations to you Rocket fans, they won their first game of the NBA playoffs. I can't say as much for those Dallas Mavericks. They got their tail ends handed to them by Golden State, of all teams. It's a great week for sports though, tonight is a do or die playoff appearance for the Stars. They're playing in game 7 and the series is tied at 3. Dallas was down 3 - 1 and has mounted a comeback campaign. I hope they can pull it off.

Hope to settle with workers comp this week. Everyone hold your breath, it's bound to happen this time!

Have a good week.