OK Susan, I'll change my vote to keep you...

NOT!

Here's another hollywood elitist that's threatening to leave the country if a Republican gets elected. It's fine by me if Susan Sarandon leaves, she's pompas anyway, and hasn't made a decent movie in years. I have a feeling that if I bet on her staying, I won't lose. She's another Alec Baldwin, who "threatened" to bless Canada with his citizenship if Bush got elected, according to this article.

From the New York Post -
SUSAN SARANDON, who appeared in three films last year and won kudos for her TV movie "Bernard and Doris," is still not a contented soul. She says if John McCain gets elected, she will move to Italy or Canada. She adds, "It's a critical time, but I have faith in the American people."
OK, American people. You don't want Susan to move out of the country, so it's up to you to elect Barack Obama. What? You thought Susan of all people would be for Hillary Clinton? Well, no. She told John Hiscock: "I thought the whole point of feminism is that you're not supposed to be defined by gender. I don't understand the reasoning behind that, because I wouldn't vote for Condoleezza Rice, and I hated Margaret Thatcher."

Siamese Elephants

I wish more people could pull off sketch comedy like Carol Burnett. Her show was one of the funniest ever. Her cast was awesome. This was probably one of the funniest sketches they ever did, and when they get on a roll, it's awesome.

It's a good day

Last Comic Standing started its new season tonight. I totally love that show. I really enjoy standup comedy, I just can't afford to go to comedy clubs, so this is a GREAT alternative.

Here's my favorite skit from any episode of Last Comic Standing, EVER! Gerry Dee is greatness. "And THEN the beearrr likeded the hoeney"



So, as there's a commercial on during the greatest show NBC has on right now, I see the trailer for the new reality show they have coming out, Celebrity Circus. My question is, isn't a celebrities life pretty much a circus anyway?

I had no intention of watching the show until I saw the cast. Rachel Hunter as a circus performer is going to be AWESOME.

The celebrities competing in Celebrity Circus will be: soaps actor Antonio Sabato, Jr., R&B singer Blu Cantrell, former Brady kid Christopher Knight, Olympian Janet Evans, Jason “Wee Man” Acuna of Jackass fame, and supermodel Rachel Hunter.

Its gonna be a good summer...

Appeals Court: Paper Money Discriminates Against Blind

Alright, I have to start this out by saying I have NOTHING against blind people, I DO have something against stupidity though. I can get behind doing stuff to help people out who have certain physical challenges, no problem. Make my money different sizes, raise the lettering / numbering on them, makes no difference to me. BUT, to use the arguement that we need to do this because blind people have to rely on clerks to tell them what denomination(s) thay have in their hand is idiotic at best. First off, if a blind person is in a store, they probably have someone with them that can tell them what money they have in their hand. If they came with a guide dog (see, I think of everything), they STILL have to rely on the clerk to tell them how much something costs. Are we going to make braille price guns? Maybe, I dunno. It could be a very reasonable answer to the problem, I guess. It's the incompleteness of the thought process and law suit here that irritates me.

You can read for yourself -
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,356727,00.html

Kylie's Dance Recital

Kylie had her dance recital this past weekend. It was very cute (MUCH unlike last year's recital, for those of you who know the story.) The theme was Fruits of the Spirit. Kylie's class' theme was Patience. I think she was the best!

Pull my finger!

How proud my grandfather would be.

Well...if he endorses it, I WON'T eat it

What is this? Seriously, the dude has a bazillion dollars (although I understand he'll lose a substantial chunk to that gold digging wife of his), hosts American Gladiators, STILL gets royalties from WWE videos and merchandise, and he goes and endorses a flippin microwaveable cheeseburger?

Hulk Hogan "Hulkster Cheeseburger" (on a bun)

The Timeless Weapons

Those of you who know me know the significance of this commercial in my life...

and YES, I STILL have them...

More awesome Mother's Day gifts

The Hawaii Chair

The Miss Army Knife

Peepshow Shot Glasses (because mom doesn't see enough weird things when she's drinking)

BIG Weekend!

Had a huge "guys weekend" this weekend. I'm completely spent now and ready for a 2 day nap. Here's a recap:

My brother and another buddy came in from H-town (Houston for all you non-locals) and we went see Rush play at the Superpages.com center (formally Starplex, Smirnoff music complex). Phenomenal show as always. They came on at 7:30 and gave us about 3 hours of music with one small intermission. I always enjoy Rush shows because the crowds aren't your stereotypical burnouts. This time however, the people sitting about 10 feet to my left started smoking pot just before the show started, and were still smoking it in the parking lot after. Amazing! After the show, we did our traditional Whataburger run before calling it a night.

Saturday morning we went play golf. I won't say how bad I did, but I'll say that I didn't get to finish the last hole because I had lost ALL of my balls. It was a disasterous showing by all accounts.

Saturday night we took full use of my neighbors new HD projector to broadcast Rock Band on his garage door. It was spectacular. We also watched a couple of DVD's. If you haven't seen The Best of Triumph - The Insult Comic Dog, I wholly recommend going get a copy, it's hysterical.

Today I'm just hanging out, trying to gather up my energy to start the week. I've posted a few new videos on my Youtube channel, go check them out.

Have a good week.

Ultimate Mother's Day Gift

How to keep your foot out of your mouth

This is good info. Thank GOD someone took the time to write this:

How to think before speaking

My Hell

Goths
Circle I Limbo

Democrats
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

General asshats
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Riceboys
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Bill Clinton
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Scientologists
Circle VII Burning Sands

PETA Members
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Osama bin Laden
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

Top 10 reasons to drink beer

OK, I'm having a terrible time trying to sleep tonight, so I fired up the old laptop and started hitting the Stumble button on my browser. Lo and behold, I came up with 10 compelling reasons to drink beer. I knew there was a reason I was so healthy... If you start with #10, there's no reason to read further. I'm not sure that isn't supposed to be #1. #8 scares me, but my hair has never been shinier.

1. Beer strengthens cordial muscle. There are lots of potassium, magnesium, phosphorus in beer and it is excellent prophylaxis of myocardial infarction (heart attack), hypertension and heart failure. And nonalcoholic beer and dark beer of some brands could decreases the possibility of blood coagulability and thus decreases the risk of clots formation.

2. Beer appeases and cheers up. Hops bitterness renders drowse, and alkaloid isomorphine which is in hop by chemical characteristics is analogous to morphine.

3. Beer withdraws uric stonesMany sorts of beer withdraw uric stones. It happens like that: potassium intensifies natrium and chlorine segregation by kidneys, and urine formation deeply increases. Thus demineralization of organism happens and uric stones are being withdrawn.

4. Beer softens skin and enlarges breast. In XVI century pharmaceutical chemists recommended women to wash themselves with beer in order to have soft skin. And Prussian Queen Louise who had flat breast was advised to drink beer and smear her breast with beer three times per day.

5. Beer strengthen bonesBeer is the main source of silicon. This mineral plays a large role in strength of bone and muscle system.

6. In 100 grams of beer are only 37 KcalTo compare in 100 gram of kefir − 59 Kcal. That means that drinking beer after work is not so harmful for the figure. And so called “beer bellies” form not from beer but from sausages to beer.

7. Beer is good for mental work. There are lots of group B and P vitamins in malt and hop, and they improve mental activity.

8. Beer hastens hair growth And vitamins B and P affect hair growth. It is recommended to make nourishing masks from beer for hair once a week. And if you wet your clean hair with beer and then use hair rollers – after that you will get tight and bright ringlets.

9. Beer is good while having cold. Beer has bactericidal behaviour, if you drink warm beer while having cold or flu, it is possible to recover faster. In Medieval times during plague and cholera epidemic brewery workers rarely were ill. And while having toothache before teeth were rinsed with beer.

10. Beer is good for male potency. Zinc which is in beer is good for male potency and it prevents prostate inflammation.

Greatest WWF Tag Teams of ALL TIME

Alright, I know you're thinking, "man, Jeff, could you have a more white trash blog?" The answer? Probably so! But, c'mon on, give me a break, I don't watch NASCAR, I quit playing competitive darts, I don't drink Natural Light, I don't belong to a bowling league, and I rarely eat at the Waffle House. Let me have one vice, will ya?

Anyway, Bevo sent me a list of the greatest WWF Tag Teams of all time. I'm not sure I completely agree with this. I mean, where are The Acolytes? Come on people, they were #2 all time, not "Honorable Mention".

Anyway, here's the list, judge for yourself (I don't care who you are, you're by yourself reading this, you know you have an opinion, no one else has to know).

Top WWF Tag teams of all time

Arrested Development Quotes

You all know this is my favorite show and I'm VERY disappointed it was cancelled while still in its infancy. Fortunately, someone put together a nice list of quotes from the show. Like this one:

Tobias: Oh, come on. Don’t leave your uncle T-bag hanging.

George Michael: Please don’t call yourself that.

We're sorry.

Dear Jeffery Lewis, As one of our most valued customers, please accept my apology on behalf of American Airlines® to you, your family and your fellow AAdvantage® customers for disrupting so many peoples' lives with the recent flight cancellations related to the inspection of our MD-80 aircraft fleet.

As you can imagine, American's decision to cancel thousands of flights this week was difficult, and it undoubtedly created concern among our best customers – even those who had no travel plans during the period.

If in your travels you were among the many who have been personally affected, I sincerely regret the inconvenience you have experienced. Our employees will continue to work around the clock to accommodate all who still need to reach their desired destinations. We anticipate returning to a full schedule by Monday.

While the media reports have documented the reasons why American took this action and the steps we're taking to re-accommodate and compensate affected customers, I've also attached an explanation of the events for your understanding. It's a bit complex, but at the end of it all, please know this:

First, your safety and the safety of our employees remains our number one priority.

Second, we will learn from this experience, and we will get better.

Finally, we wholeheartedly appreciate your loyalty to American Airlines, and we remain committed to earning your business each and every day.

Respectfully,
Dan GartonExecutive Vice PresidentMarketing

P.S. You may have already contacted us via AA.com® or by writing directly to Customer Relations. Let me reassure you that we will respond directly to your contact just as quickly as practical.

Great sayings

So, we inherit lots of things from our parents and their parents. Hair color, height, if you have hair on your knuckles (or your head, or back...) and the list goes on and on. One thing I got from my elders were some great sayings. Some of those sayings were:

From my dad's dad (Pawpaw) - "I don't think I understand all I know about that"
Pawpaw - "I'll be" (drawn out "I'll")
Pawpaw - "What kind of deal is that" (thanks to my brother for reminding me of that one)
My mom's dad (Papa) - Mon Dieu ("French for My God")

and possibly my favorite:

From my dad's mom (Mawmaw) - "I'd rather owe you than cheat you out of it".

What sayings have you inherited?

De Que Estas Hablando Willis?

This is GENIUS graffiti

What I like. What I hate.

Food -
LIKE - My favorite food has to be just about anything pasta based (my mother is hating hearing this). I love spaghetti and meatballs.

DISLIKE - My LEAST favorite food is celery. I can't even stand the smell of it (yes, it DOES have a smell).

TV -
LIKE - WWE RAW is WAR, Rob & Big, Modern Marvels, Gangland, The Big House, JAIL, Arrested Development, Golf

DISLIKE - Moment of Truth (but I wind up watching it every week), Any show that has those stupid Bowflex commercials on it, Curling, That Bret Michaels Rock of Love crapfest

What are you likes and dislikes?