White trash

Many have heard the story of my 15 seconds of fame while in Nashville over the summer. The local news station has an archive of the news story. My comments are on the last line of the article.

Against ATV Safety, for White Trash

If I had gold paint...

...I could paint the halo gold and prove that my mother was correct when she said I was an angel. I know, it's a stretch, but work with me.

Life still sucks after having the halo tightened around my skull last week. I'm hoping things even out soon. One week from this coming up Thursday will be the 1/2 way mark. I'm looking far into the future I know, but I gotta look somewhere.

Not much else to report except that the Saints blew it, again...

Torture session today

Went see the doctor today for my 4 week visit (I know, it seems like 4 years, but it's only been 4 weeks). Took an x-ray, healing nicely. Problem was that the posts holding the halo to my head were loose, so they took a torque wrench to my head and wrenched it back down. Man, glad I have pain pills because that KILLED. Anyway, I'm on target to have this off around Dec 17 or before.

Many of you know that I've worn the same t-shirt since the day I got hurt. Today was the final straw, I loosened the harness around my chest, cut the shirt out, and put on a button down shirt that I slid around until it was on. My doctor didn't seem to care, but the vendor of the halo showed up and recommended that I not do that again. In fact, they recommended that I wear this sheeps wool lined harness with no shirt on. Obviously they're spewing stuff from their textbooks and not talking from any kind of experience. If their t-shirt armpits were no longer flexible b/c of the amount of deodorant caked up, I'm sure they'd do the same thing.


Q: Jeff, are you going to shave?
A: Not til New Years

1 Month Anniversary

Well, tonight will be one month ago that I broke my neck. Funny thing is, wearing this halo makes it feel like a YEAR. If things go well, I'll "only" have 8 more weeks to go. I'm moving around much better during the day, but not sleeping as well at night. Amazing that a guy can't sleep on Ambien, pain killer, muscle relaxer, AND Advil PM.

I'm working a lot more now (from home). This is excellent for making the time go by and occupies my mind. And the good news is that since I'm working nearly full time, I don't have to file short term disability. I can't afford to live on 100% salary, much less 60-70%, whatever short term disability happens to be.

I go see the Doc on Thurs and take an MRI. Hopefully the news will be good...

Time flies by

Dillon had his 8th Birthday Party this weekend at a pumpkin patch near the house. Here a pic of him and a pic of his sister and cousin. Girls look alike, don't they? I didn't get to go because of my "condition", but it looks like a good time was had by most, if not all.

Halloween costume winner

My neighbor wins, looks like I'll be Osama Bin Lewis. I'll put a bath towel around my head it looks like. Yeah, it's socially unacceptable I know...

Jihad anyone???

Wrestling's fake, unless you're THIS guy

this guy tries to flip backward off the ropes. He did that, he just landed on his head though.

Sarbanes - Oxley...SUCCESS

Many of you know that I used to work for McAfee Antivirus. While there I witnessed first hand how greedy CEO's can screw the working man. Don't confuse what I'm saying, I'm sure that the majority of corporate leaders out there are decent human beings, but it's that .1% that give everyone a bad name. During my tenure there, the CEO, COO, CFO...were all fired. Some are serving prison sentences now, others are states evidence against the CEO. Point is this, those guys make MILLIONS and then do stupid things like stuffing the marketplace to make their numbers look good and take their annual bonuses allthewhile, leaving working stiffs like me stuck with worthless stock options.

I say all that to say this, THEY DID IT AGAIN...this time with a new CEO. Way to go McAfee. I hope you get acquired by a company with morals so that the people that make that wheel turn still have something in their pockets. Here's the link.

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For other news - I'm doing pretty well, at least as well as can be expected. Still "sleeping" in a recliner. I'm learning how to do most things on my own. I feel like a 3 year old. My wife asks if she can help me do something and I just say "NO! I CAN DO IT!!!". She's been a saint and couldn't make it through this without her. And to all my friends and family, thank you very much for all the cards and gifts and dinners. You guys have made life much more easy to live, I appreciate you all.

On a lighter note, the beard is coming in nicely, over 3 weeks with no shaving. I never realized how much hiding my face could improve my looks!

The bad news is that Kylie "broke" her neck.

Here she is laying with me using my neck pillow.

I feel so bad for her. 3 years old is way too

young to break your neck!!!

I'm a movie star

SO, the guys at work thought it would be "cute" to put me in a production making light of my, uh, "situation". Well, I'll let you be the judge of their editing skills as well as my acting skills.

If you can't figure it out, it's supposed to be a parody of that insurance commercial from Geico I think, where they hire actors to tell someone's story. Anyway, here's the link

New Halo uses

OK, I got a couple of new uses for the Halo, at least one is really good.

• Use it to hang Christmas lights from during the holidays
• Hang a hot dog or beer in front of it, get on a treadmill, and chase after whatever I hang in front of my face.

I found a website that has halo clothes. These pictures are disturbing!!!

I have a Secret!!!

OK, I spent some time in marketing, but never advertising and one thing I'd NEVER have dreamed up would be to use a deodorant advertising campaign to get women to tell their secrets. They have a website you can visit to read everyone's "Secret", and I'm sure you've all seen the commercials, they go something like this:

• Mother - "Dear, I have a secret"
• Daughter - "What is it mother?"
• Mother - "I paid a guy $200 to take you to prom"
• Daughter - "You DID!!!! Oh mom, you're such a silly goose!"

Where's the one that says:

• Mother - "Dear, I have a secret"
• Daughter - "What is it mother?"
• Mother - "I paid a guy $200 to take you to prom"
• Daughter - "You DID!!!! That's OK, we didn't go to the prom anyway!"

On to other subjects:

What a great weekend. The Saints win again (now 4-1) with a PUNT RETURN TOUCHDOWN BY REGGIE BUSH (shut up, I know they played a team who has yet to win a game, lemme live in the moment, huh?), Dallas loses AGAIN (2-2), UT stomps a mudhole in OU's tuccus. How do I know all of this? Because I got to spend an unprecedented 72 hours watching tv this weekend. Surprisingly, there aren't a lot of things that one can do when in one of these lovely halo's. Friends have been incredibly supportive though, and have given me many good ideas on how to spice up the functionality / looks of my halo. Some of those suggestions are:

• Hang a shower curtain from it to block out light while trying to take a nap
• Paint myself green and go as Frankenstein for halloween
• Cancel Directv and use my head as an antenna
• Hang mistletoe from my head for Christmas

Have other suggestions? Leave a comment, maybe I'll consider them.

Have a good week!!!

Squeeze me, Please me, Febreeze me

OK, so as you know, I'm stuck in a Frankenstein costume til nearly Christmas. Good news is that doc says I'm healing nicely, bad news is that he says I can't take off the t-shirt under the harness until I get the halo off (kind of an all or nothing deal). So, ladies, I'll offer you a tip to keep your men smelling fresh. You do what my wife does, you febreeze them. Now, let's be fair, I do get a regular cleaning, but that torso can't get wet, so it's either febreeze or I go get a bunch of issues of GQ and smear the cologne ads all over me.

Stay tuned for more grooming tips from Jeff...

So, wearing medical head jewlery, there is only so many things you can do but today, for the first time in a week, I got out the house and did something "social". I went to the matinee of "Jackass 2". Now, this movie is not for the anyone with a queezy stomach. There were some intense moments in the movie, BUT, if you enjoy the things that the "Jackass guys" are known for, you'll love this movie.

Now, for Jeff's "condition" for today. I spoke with the doctor today and I'm in pretty extreme "discomfort" so I'm going visit him tomorrow for another glamour shot session and then discuss recovery options, those options range from what I'm currently doing to surgery. Please say a prayer that at least one of the two of us will have some sort of wisdom. The bright news is that my kids think I'm cool, I look like a robot!!! As I used to say at an old job, the world needs more robots.

So, here's my first real "Blog". My travels take me many places, most recently, lovely Seattle, Wa. I love Seattle in the summer time, nothing beats it (unless you like 100+ degree weather, insects, and humidity). While there less than one day I decided to get up out of bed and visit the facilities in my hotel room. Problem - there was a chair between me and the bathroom. A negotiation occurred and the ultimate loser was my neck. Falling down across the chair and hitting my head on the desk was not a good way to start (or for that matter), end the week. The cool thing is that I get to wear a halo drilled into my skull for 12 weeks while my broken neck heals. Makes thinking about what I was going to be for halloween a whole lot easier. For your edificiation, I've included a couple of poses from my latest line of head jewlery. Please comment here if there's anything you'd like to order.