Life - Post Halo

Well, it's been 2 days since I've had my halo off, what a difference! I've gone from a bobble head to actually being able to control this big bowling ball on top of my neck and shoulders. I'm still not near as strong as I should be, but the 6 weeks of rehab I'm getting ready to go through should take care of that. The pin sites on my head are really closing up nicely. They are much smaller than I expected. When I first got the halo off, while still in the doctors office, those things looked like gunshot wounds, they were HUGE. It only took a couple of hours for them to close up though. I'm using Maderma (that stuff that's supposed to keep scars from showing up), we'll see how good it does. Worse comes to worse, I've got 2 scars on my forehead that will be badges of honor for having to go through the living hell that I lived for 3 1/2 months.

Showers still have never been better. My water bill will be high over the next month.

Not sure if I mentioned it in my last post, but it's apparently not going to be a great idea for me to ride the motorcycle anymore. I guess I'm a little more likely to break that bone in the future than the ordinary Joe. It REALLY bums me out to have to get rid of it, I really enjoy that thing. I guess the good news is that not biking will give me more time to work on my golf game.

I'm really sore, like I just worked out for the first time in years. Neck and shoulders are really hurting, but, it doesn't matter too much to me, I'm just glad to be out of that contraption.

I weighed myself yesterday, this is the first time in probably 6 or 7 years where I am below 185 lbs. I weighed in yesterday at a slender 175. My pants are all too big, the neck on the shirt I have on today is HUGE, my arms look like a 12 year old girls arms (not that there's anything wrong with 12 year old girls arms, but they don't look good on a 35 year old man).

So, in a week I start therapy and I won't go to work until after I finish that.

Not much else in the news. Uncle Josh is coming in today and the kids are excited to see him.

Everyone have a prosperous and safe new year.

No more halodom

Well, what an adventure today has been. Woke up late, it was raining. Suzanne and I got in the car and went to get my CT scan done and then darted over to the doctors office. I get to the waiting room, anxious, and wondering what he'll think of my progress.


In he walks and says "are you ready to get that thing off"? What kind of question is that? Anyway, it takes all of about 4 minutes, if that, to get this thing off my head and I immediately felt like a bobblehead doll. Doctor used the analogy of a bowling ball on a toothpick. That's exactly what it feels like, but I don't care cause it doesn't feel like a halo on my head.

So, we ride home, I have no collar on or anything, halo to NOTHING. It's a completely weird sensation. I have a feeling I'm going to be completely sore come tomorrow as I'm using muscles I haven't used in over 3 months (13.5 weeks to be exact).

Next on the agenda was shaving. Shaving the beard and head. I went through two sets of shears to do it, but I got it done. Then I went for a 45 minute shower (would have been longer if I had more hot water) where I took a razor to my head and face. What a GREAT feeling.

Anyway, I now intend to go lay in the bed I haven't layed in in over 3 months and actually lay down and sleep. After that, who knows...

Here's me right after I got the halo off and right after I shaved. Have a good laugh.

Parole hearing set for Friday

Well...the time is near. I go see the doctor tomorrow morning. Hopefully he'll have time to fit me into his busy workers comp miracle doctor schedule. Have I mentioned before that I really don't like this guy? Anyway, I have a CT scan scheduled for about 8 tomorrow morning and my doctors visit is at 9:30. If things go well, I'll be sitting in a shower from 10:30 AM - 4:00 PM tomorrow. My advance apologies to all of the North Texas area if you have no natural gas to heat your water tomorrow night. I've got 3.5 months of showers coming to me and I'm taking them all at once.

Hopefully, I won't have too many days left of looking like this:

Boycott Sears!!!

So, I bought my wife this not so inexpensive gift from Sears for Christmas. Winds up the product was broken so I ordered one online that I found for cheaper (with more accessories) and I had her go to Sears to return the other one. They wouldn't take it without a 15% restocking fee. I wound up cancelling my order for the replacement one and I had her just get an exchange at Sears. This is the LAST TIME I buy from those jerks and I'm letting all my friends know so that hopefully they can join me in not getting screwed by "the man".

I hope you all had a great Christmas, I sure did. The kids aren't wanting for anything, even though Dillon did tell us on Christmas evening that he was bored.

Kylie had a great birthday as well. We always make it a point to celebrate her birthday at the end of the day. Santa is in the morning and Kylie's birthday in the evening. I tell you, by the end of the day we sure were worn out.

I go to the doctor day after tomorrow. Get a CT Scan and hopefully I get this thing off of my head. I'm ready to get back to not being a freak show (or at least get to being less of one) when I go out. The beard is looking SWEET, though.



Wishing all of you a wonderful new year...

You're getting your halo off on Dec 26...NOT

Doctor called me today to say he has "emergency" surgery to attend to on Dec 26th and he has to push my next visit back to Dec 29th. So, 8 days went to 11 days. At this point, hours and minutes matter. Oh well...guess I have no choice to wait (or go to Home Depot and get the tools and do it myself).

"We've got to protect the nation from bland food"

Finally, someone with the nations best interests at heart.

Tabasco scraps museum to ‘protect the nation’
La. company needs levee to make sure it's safe, prevent ‘bland food’

NEW ORLEANS - The maker of the world famous Tabasco hot pepper sauce has scrapped plans for a museum to pay for a more urgent need: the building of a levee to protect itself from another hurricane.
McIlhenny Co. will shore up its Avery Island facility in Louisiana, 15 months after Hurricane Rita's tidal surge came within inches of flooding the plant and halting production of Tabasco, The Times-Picayune newspaper reported Thursday.
The plant, which sits over 9 feet above sea level and 13 miles from the Gulf of Mexico, will be protected by a 17-foot levee that will cost $4.5 million.

MRI says I'm normal

So, no more excuses for my behavior, I guess...

Anyway, doctor was worried that the fall may have damaged an artery in my neck. The word is that there's no problem there. For those of you that don't believe me, here is a copy of the radiologist report, hope you can make more sense of it than I can.

TECHNIQUE:

MRI angiography was performed through the carotid bifurcations bilaterally using 3D time-of-flight MRI angiography. 40 total images were obtained.

FINDINGS:

MR angiography through the carotid bifurcation demonstrates a normal appearance to the bifurcation bilaterally. Specifically, there are no areas of stenosis and no ulcerations are seen. The visualized vertebral segments appear normal.

IMPRESSION:

1. Normal carotid bifurcations bilaterally, without stenosis or other abnormality.

2. A dominant right vertebral artery is noted incidentally. The left vertebral artery is small, but appears patent at all visualized levels. Please note that an MRA of the brain (circle of Willis) was requested, but technically was impossible to perform due to the presence of a halo, which precludes placement of the oil.

CHEESE!!!!!

The Lord really has blessed me with beautiful children.

I hate MRI machines

It feels like you're being buried alive. No, that's not a picture of me.

4 more weeks

I just got word from my doctor - 4 MORE WEEKS. Things haven't healed well enough for me to go on parole yet. Hating it.

Now from hating it to LOVING IT. Guys, there are less and less reasons for you to exist.

Boyfriend Pillow - It vibrates

Bummer

Went to see my new doctor today. If I didn't HAVE to see him, I wouldn't. Anyway, he sent me off for an MRI and CT Scan today. I had to drop the films off at his office and he'll call me in the next day or two to make a new plan to get this thing off my head. So, I'm still in the halo and hating it more every day. If I thought I could take it off myself without doing damage, I would.

He did find another fracture of the same vertebrae that no one had caught before. I'm adding a picture here, the two red lines are where the breaks are.

If you're in Texas, get your blankes out, we're about to get our first "Hard Freeze" of the season.

My famous face

Jeff Lewis------- Uday Hussein

I used the software "technology" from myheritage.com to see who I most looked like. Some of you may find this funny, others scary, for other, it may confirm what you've already known. Anyway, here's who it said I look like!

I wonder why I get searched at the airport more than the average guy???

Bill Clinton - The Busiest President EVER (for reasons other than what you're thinking)

The results speak for themselves

Ok, I just can't pass this up. We all remember John Kerry's "joke" about getting stuck in Iraq. Well, he made a statement about it today and I agree John, the results speak for themselves. What an idiot...

"This is over. This was a misstatement. All of us make them in life. You wish you could have it back, but you can't," the senator said Sunday.

Kerry said Sunday he had made the decision to keep a low profile after the White House attacked the joke as insulting to U.S. troops and several Democrats called the comment a needless distraction before the pivotal congressional elections.

"Since we had very close races, I made the decision to make certain that I didn't distract. The results speak for themselves," he said.

What a jerk. Apparently what he's saying here is that by him not "distracting" the pollsters, they were more likely to vote Democrat. What a loser.

Confirming what I've always known

Democrats are ZOMBIES!!!

I'm not as smart as I think I is

OK, it was pointed out to me that I made a horrible faux pas on my blog the other day. In fact, it was quite stupid. Talking on the subject of Mr/Mrs Fetterline -Spears, I said "that's got me more down than congress running the senate and the house". You all know what I meant, but it's obvious that just talking about those two is making me dumber and dumber. So...on to smarter things -

Man shoots self in groin, calf, during botched kidnapping attempt. Geeze, EVERYONE makes me feel dumb.

For those that know my "little" brother, he's getting out of the Navy next week. You should all rest a little less easy now that he's not protecting you anymore.

Bitter irony

Used car salesman in Tennessee foils robbery attempt by pulling out his own .380 when he has a gun pulled on him. Story says he has given away rifles with used car purchases in the past. Link to article.

What's crazy about this is that I was when I was interviewed by the local fox affiliate and told them that parents were responsible for gun control. I still stand by that, but I was portrayed as quite the little white trash NRA, Charlton Heston loving freak. I still stand behind my words though, no matter how much the media twisted them.

Once a redneck...

Progress

Many of you have not seen me in quite a while. I MUST inform you that the picture in this post will make your wives and girlfriends jealous. Quite simply, this is the BEST looking beard around. I'm close to measuring it with a yardstick at this point. The best part, 6 more weeks of growing this baby out.

Things have been going fairly well, all things considered. Physically, I'm doing well. I am having to find a new doctor, I won't go into explanations here, but I'm hoping he will keep me on track to have this thing off in the next 4 - 6 weeks.

Other things to note. Dillon made the all "A" honor roll, again. He's apparently using all the brains I didn't when I was in school. Kylie has my well being at heart. She found some money on the floor the other day and gave it to me and said "Here daddy, you can be popular". How does she know that I'm not extremely popular already?

No other news I don't think. I'm still sulking over Britney and Kevin though. That's got me more down than congress running the senate and house.

OK, I have nothing else to live for

For two years now, I've had the pleasure of living vicariously through Britney and Kevin Fetterline-Spears only to find out their storybook romance has ended. If they can't hold their marriage together, what chance do I have???

Link - Britney and Kevin file for divorce

Halloween Success

Kids did great for Halloween (translated - kids got dad bunches of candy to eat while they're at school). Dillon was a mummy, Kylie was a "Purpleish, Blueish Fairy".

I got a myriad of questions. Everything from "what are you supposed to be?", "what is that?", "what happened to you?", and the ever popular kid yelling to all his friends "Hey, lets go see that guy with the brace". I was a spectacle. I lasted for a bit and then put a sign on my house saying to go next door for candy and dumped my stash off with my neighbor.

Gotta go, need to eat as much candy as I can before the kids get home from school...

White trash

Many have heard the story of my 15 seconds of fame while in Nashville over the summer. The local news station has an archive of the news story. My comments are on the last line of the article.

Against ATV Safety, for White Trash

If I had gold paint...

...I could paint the halo gold and prove that my mother was correct when she said I was an angel. I know, it's a stretch, but work with me.

Life still sucks after having the halo tightened around my skull last week. I'm hoping things even out soon. One week from this coming up Thursday will be the 1/2 way mark. I'm looking far into the future I know, but I gotta look somewhere.

Not much else to report except that the Saints blew it, again...

Torture session today

Went see the doctor today for my 4 week visit (I know, it seems like 4 years, but it's only been 4 weeks). Took an x-ray, healing nicely. Problem was that the posts holding the halo to my head were loose, so they took a torque wrench to my head and wrenched it back down. Man, glad I have pain pills because that KILLED. Anyway, I'm on target to have this off around Dec 17 or before.

Many of you know that I've worn the same t-shirt since the day I got hurt. Today was the final straw, I loosened the harness around my chest, cut the shirt out, and put on a button down shirt that I slid around until it was on. My doctor didn't seem to care, but the vendor of the halo showed up and recommended that I not do that again. In fact, they recommended that I wear this sheeps wool lined harness with no shirt on. Obviously they're spewing stuff from their textbooks and not talking from any kind of experience. If their t-shirt armpits were no longer flexible b/c of the amount of deodorant caked up, I'm sure they'd do the same thing.


Q: Jeff, are you going to shave?
A: Not til New Years

1 Month Anniversary

Well, tonight will be one month ago that I broke my neck. Funny thing is, wearing this halo makes it feel like a YEAR. If things go well, I'll "only" have 8 more weeks to go. I'm moving around much better during the day, but not sleeping as well at night. Amazing that a guy can't sleep on Ambien, pain killer, muscle relaxer, AND Advil PM.

I'm working a lot more now (from home). This is excellent for making the time go by and occupies my mind. And the good news is that since I'm working nearly full time, I don't have to file short term disability. I can't afford to live on 100% salary, much less 60-70%, whatever short term disability happens to be.

I go see the Doc on Thurs and take an MRI. Hopefully the news will be good...

Time flies by

Dillon had his 8th Birthday Party this weekend at a pumpkin patch near the house. Here a pic of him and a pic of his sister and cousin. Girls look alike, don't they? I didn't get to go because of my "condition", but it looks like a good time was had by most, if not all.

Halloween costume winner

My neighbor wins, looks like I'll be Osama Bin Lewis. I'll put a bath towel around my head it looks like. Yeah, it's socially unacceptable I know...

Jihad anyone???

Wrestling's fake, unless you're THIS guy

this guy tries to flip backward off the ropes. He did that, he just landed on his head though.

Sarbanes - Oxley...SUCCESS

Many of you know that I used to work for McAfee Antivirus. While there I witnessed first hand how greedy CEO's can screw the working man. Don't confuse what I'm saying, I'm sure that the majority of corporate leaders out there are decent human beings, but it's that .1% that give everyone a bad name. During my tenure there, the CEO, COO, CFO...were all fired. Some are serving prison sentences now, others are states evidence against the CEO. Point is this, those guys make MILLIONS and then do stupid things like stuffing the marketplace to make their numbers look good and take their annual bonuses allthewhile, leaving working stiffs like me stuck with worthless stock options.

I say all that to say this, THEY DID IT AGAIN...this time with a new CEO. Way to go McAfee. I hope you get acquired by a company with morals so that the people that make that wheel turn still have something in their pockets. Here's the link.

------------------------------------------------------------------

For other news - I'm doing pretty well, at least as well as can be expected. Still "sleeping" in a recliner. I'm learning how to do most things on my own. I feel like a 3 year old. My wife asks if she can help me do something and I just say "NO! I CAN DO IT!!!". She's been a saint and couldn't make it through this without her. And to all my friends and family, thank you very much for all the cards and gifts and dinners. You guys have made life much more easy to live, I appreciate you all.

On a lighter note, the beard is coming in nicely, over 3 weeks with no shaving. I never realized how much hiding my face could improve my looks!

The bad news is that Kylie "broke" her neck.

Here she is laying with me using my neck pillow.

I feel so bad for her. 3 years old is way too

young to break your neck!!!

I'm a movie star

SO, the guys at work thought it would be "cute" to put me in a production making light of my, uh, "situation". Well, I'll let you be the judge of their editing skills as well as my acting skills.

If you can't figure it out, it's supposed to be a parody of that insurance commercial from Geico I think, where they hire actors to tell someone's story. Anyway, here's the link

New Halo uses

OK, I got a couple of new uses for the Halo, at least one is really good.

• Use it to hang Christmas lights from during the holidays
• Hang a hot dog or beer in front of it, get on a treadmill, and chase after whatever I hang in front of my face.

I found a website that has halo clothes. These pictures are disturbing!!!

I have a Secret!!!

OK, I spent some time in marketing, but never advertising and one thing I'd NEVER have dreamed up would be to use a deodorant advertising campaign to get women to tell their secrets. They have a website you can visit to read everyone's "Secret", and I'm sure you've all seen the commercials, they go something like this:

• Mother - "Dear, I have a secret"
• Daughter - "What is it mother?"
• Mother - "I paid a guy $200 to take you to prom"
• Daughter - "You DID!!!! Oh mom, you're such a silly goose!"

Where's the one that says:

• Mother - "Dear, I have a secret"
• Daughter - "What is it mother?"
• Mother - "I paid a guy $200 to take you to prom"
• Daughter - "You DID!!!! That's OK, we didn't go to the prom anyway!"

On to other subjects:

What a great weekend. The Saints win again (now 4-1) with a PUNT RETURN TOUCHDOWN BY REGGIE BUSH (shut up, I know they played a team who has yet to win a game, lemme live in the moment, huh?), Dallas loses AGAIN (2-2), UT stomps a mudhole in OU's tuccus. How do I know all of this? Because I got to spend an unprecedented 72 hours watching tv this weekend. Surprisingly, there aren't a lot of things that one can do when in one of these lovely halo's. Friends have been incredibly supportive though, and have given me many good ideas on how to spice up the functionality / looks of my halo. Some of those suggestions are:

• Hang a shower curtain from it to block out light while trying to take a nap
• Paint myself green and go as Frankenstein for halloween
• Cancel Directv and use my head as an antenna
• Hang mistletoe from my head for Christmas

Have other suggestions? Leave a comment, maybe I'll consider them.

Have a good week!!!

Squeeze me, Please me, Febreeze me

OK, so as you know, I'm stuck in a Frankenstein costume til nearly Christmas. Good news is that doc says I'm healing nicely, bad news is that he says I can't take off the t-shirt under the harness until I get the halo off (kind of an all or nothing deal). So, ladies, I'll offer you a tip to keep your men smelling fresh. You do what my wife does, you febreeze them. Now, let's be fair, I do get a regular cleaning, but that torso can't get wet, so it's either febreeze or I go get a bunch of issues of GQ and smear the cologne ads all over me.

Stay tuned for more grooming tips from Jeff...

So, wearing medical head jewlery, there is only so many things you can do but today, for the first time in a week, I got out the house and did something "social". I went to the matinee of "Jackass 2". Now, this movie is not for the anyone with a queezy stomach. There were some intense moments in the movie, BUT, if you enjoy the things that the "Jackass guys" are known for, you'll love this movie.

Now, for Jeff's "condition" for today. I spoke with the doctor today and I'm in pretty extreme "discomfort" so I'm going visit him tomorrow for another glamour shot session and then discuss recovery options, those options range from what I'm currently doing to surgery. Please say a prayer that at least one of the two of us will have some sort of wisdom. The bright news is that my kids think I'm cool, I look like a robot!!! As I used to say at an old job, the world needs more robots.

So, here's my first real "Blog". My travels take me many places, most recently, lovely Seattle, Wa. I love Seattle in the summer time, nothing beats it (unless you like 100+ degree weather, insects, and humidity). While there less than one day I decided to get up out of bed and visit the facilities in my hotel room. Problem - there was a chair between me and the bathroom. A negotiation occurred and the ultimate loser was my neck. Falling down across the chair and hitting my head on the desk was not a good way to start (or for that matter), end the week. The cool thing is that I get to wear a halo drilled into my skull for 12 weeks while my broken neck heals. Makes thinking about what I was going to be for halloween a whole lot easier. For your edificiation, I've included a couple of poses from my latest line of head jewlery. Please comment here if there's anything you'd like to order.