Those of you who know me know the significance of this commercial in my life...
and YES, I STILL have them...
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
More awesome Mother's Day gifts
The Hawaii Chair
The Miss Army Knife
Peepshow Shot Glasses (because mom doesn't see enough weird things when she's drinking)
Sunday, April 27, 2008
BIG Weekend!
Had a huge "guys weekend" this weekend. I'm completely spent now and ready for a 2 day nap. Here's a recap:
My brother and another buddy came in from H-town (Houston for all you non-locals) and we went see Rush play at the Superpages.com center (formally Starplex, Smirnoff music complex). Phenomenal show as always. They came on at 7:30 and gave us about 3 hours of music with one small intermission. I always enjoy Rush shows because the crowds aren't your stereotypical burnouts. This time however, the people sitting about 10 feet to my left started smoking pot just before the show started, and were still smoking it in the parking lot after. Amazing! After the show, we did our traditional Whataburger run before calling it a night.
Saturday morning we went play golf. I won't say how bad I did, but I'll say that I didn't get to finish the last hole because I had lost ALL of my balls. It was a disasterous showing by all accounts.
Saturday night we took full use of my neighbors new HD projector to broadcast Rock Band on his garage door. It was spectacular. We also watched a couple of DVD's. If you haven't seen The Best of Triumph - The Insult Comic Dog, I wholly recommend going get a copy, it's hysterical.
Today I'm just hanging out, trying to gather up my energy to start the week. I've posted a few new videos on my Youtube channel, go check them out.
Have a good week.
My brother and another buddy came in from H-town (Houston for all you non-locals) and we went see Rush play at the Superpages.com center (formally Starplex, Smirnoff music complex). Phenomenal show as always. They came on at 7:30 and gave us about 3 hours of music with one small intermission. I always enjoy Rush shows because the crowds aren't your stereotypical burnouts. This time however, the people sitting about 10 feet to my left started smoking pot just before the show started, and were still smoking it in the parking lot after. Amazing! After the show, we did our traditional Whataburger run before calling it a night.
Saturday morning we went play golf. I won't say how bad I did, but I'll say that I didn't get to finish the last hole because I had lost ALL of my balls. It was a disasterous showing by all accounts.
Saturday night we took full use of my neighbors new HD projector to broadcast Rock Band on his garage door. It was spectacular. We also watched a couple of DVD's. If you haven't seen The Best of Triumph - The Insult Comic Dog, I wholly recommend going get a copy, it's hysterical.
Today I'm just hanging out, trying to gather up my energy to start the week. I've posted a few new videos on my Youtube channel, go check them out.
Have a good week.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
My Hell
Goths
Circle I Limbo
Democrats
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind
General asshats
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow
Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle IV Rolling Weights
Riceboys
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled
River Styx
Bill Clinton
Circle VI Buried for Eternity
River Phlegyas
Scientologists
Circle VII Burning Sands
PETA Members
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement
Osama bin Laden
Circle IX Frozen in Ice
Friday, April 18, 2008
Top 10 reasons to drink beer
OK, I'm having a terrible time trying to sleep tonight, so I fired up the old laptop and started hitting the Stumble button on my browser. Lo and behold, I came up with 10 compelling reasons to drink beer. I knew there was a reason I was so healthy... If you start with #10, there's no reason to read further. I'm not sure that isn't supposed to be #1. #8 scares me, but my hair has never been shinier.
1. Beer strengthens cordial muscle. There are lots of potassium, magnesium, phosphorus in beer and it is excellent prophylaxis of myocardial infarction (heart attack), hypertension and heart failure. And nonalcoholic beer and dark beer of some brands could decreases the possibility of blood coagulability and thus decreases the risk of clots formation.
2. Beer appeases and cheers up. Hops bitterness renders drowse, and alkaloid isomorphine which is in hop by chemical characteristics is analogous to morphine.
3. Beer withdraws uric stonesMany sorts of beer withdraw uric stones. It happens like that: potassium intensifies natrium and chlorine segregation by kidneys, and urine formation deeply increases. Thus demineralization of organism happens and uric stones are being withdrawn.
4. Beer softens skin and enlarges breast. In XVI century pharmaceutical chemists recommended women to wash themselves with beer in order to have soft skin. And Prussian Queen Louise who had flat breast was advised to drink beer and smear her breast with beer three times per day.
5. Beer strengthen bonesBeer is the main source of silicon. This mineral plays a large role in strength of bone and muscle system.
6. In 100 grams of beer are only 37 KcalTo compare in 100 gram of kefir − 59 Kcal. That means that drinking beer after work is not so harmful for the figure. And so called “beer bellies” form not from beer but from sausages to beer.
7. Beer is good for mental work. There are lots of group B and P vitamins in malt and hop, and they improve mental activity.
8. Beer hastens hair growth And vitamins B and P affect hair growth. It is recommended to make nourishing masks from beer for hair once a week. And if you wet your clean hair with beer and then use hair rollers – after that you will get tight and bright ringlets.
9. Beer is good while having cold. Beer has bactericidal behaviour, if you drink warm beer while having cold or flu, it is possible to recover faster. In Medieval times during plague and cholera epidemic brewery workers rarely were ill. And while having toothache before teeth were rinsed with beer.
10. Beer is good for male potency. Zinc which is in beer is good for male potency and it prevents prostate inflammation.
1. Beer strengthens cordial muscle. There are lots of potassium, magnesium, phosphorus in beer and it is excellent prophylaxis of myocardial infarction (heart attack), hypertension and heart failure. And nonalcoholic beer and dark beer of some brands could decreases the possibility of blood coagulability and thus decreases the risk of clots formation.
2. Beer appeases and cheers up. Hops bitterness renders drowse, and alkaloid isomorphine which is in hop by chemical characteristics is analogous to morphine.
3. Beer withdraws uric stonesMany sorts of beer withdraw uric stones. It happens like that: potassium intensifies natrium and chlorine segregation by kidneys, and urine formation deeply increases. Thus demineralization of organism happens and uric stones are being withdrawn.
4. Beer softens skin and enlarges breast. In XVI century pharmaceutical chemists recommended women to wash themselves with beer in order to have soft skin. And Prussian Queen Louise who had flat breast was advised to drink beer and smear her breast with beer three times per day.
5. Beer strengthen bonesBeer is the main source of silicon. This mineral plays a large role in strength of bone and muscle system.
6. In 100 grams of beer are only 37 KcalTo compare in 100 gram of kefir − 59 Kcal. That means that drinking beer after work is not so harmful for the figure. And so called “beer bellies” form not from beer but from sausages to beer.
7. Beer is good for mental work. There are lots of group B and P vitamins in malt and hop, and they improve mental activity.
8. Beer hastens hair growth And vitamins B and P affect hair growth. It is recommended to make nourishing masks from beer for hair once a week. And if you wet your clean hair with beer and then use hair rollers – after that you will get tight and bright ringlets.
9. Beer is good while having cold. Beer has bactericidal behaviour, if you drink warm beer while having cold or flu, it is possible to recover faster. In Medieval times during plague and cholera epidemic brewery workers rarely were ill. And while having toothache before teeth were rinsed with beer.
10. Beer is good for male potency. Zinc which is in beer is good for male potency and it prevents prostate inflammation.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Greatest WWF Tag Teams of ALL TIME
Alright, I know you're thinking, "man, Jeff, could you have a more white trash blog?" The answer? Probably so! But, c'mon on, give me a break, I don't watch NASCAR, I quit playing competitive darts, I don't drink Natural Light, I don't belong to a bowling league, and I rarely eat at the Waffle House. Let me have one vice, will ya?
Anyway, Bevo sent me a list of the greatest WWF Tag Teams of all time. I'm not sure I completely agree with this. I mean, where are The Acolytes? Come on people, they were #2 all time, not "Honorable Mention".
Anyway, here's the list, judge for yourself (I don't care who you are, you're by yourself reading this, you know you have an opinion, no one else has to know).
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Arrested Development Quotes
You all know this is my favorite show and I'm VERY disappointed it was cancelled while still in its infancy. Fortunately, someone put together a nice list of quotes from the show. Like this one:
Tobias: Oh, come on. Don’t leave your uncle T-bag hanging.
George Michael: Please don’t call yourself that.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
We're sorry.
Dear Jeffery Lewis, As one of our most valued customers, please accept my apology on behalf of American Airlines® to you, your family and your fellow AAdvantage® customers for disrupting so many peoples' lives with the recent flight cancellations related to the inspection of our MD-80 aircraft fleet.
As you can imagine, American's decision to cancel thousands of flights this week was difficult, and it undoubtedly created concern among our best customers – even those who had no travel plans during the period.
If in your travels you were among the many who have been personally affected, I sincerely regret the inconvenience you have experienced. Our employees will continue to work around the clock to accommodate all who still need to reach their desired destinations. We anticipate returning to a full schedule by Monday.
While the media reports have documented the reasons why American took this action and the steps we're taking to re-accommodate and compensate affected customers, I've also attached an explanation of the events for your understanding. It's a bit complex, but at the end of it all, please know this:
First, your safety and the safety of our employees remains our number one priority.
Second, we will learn from this experience, and we will get better.
Finally, we wholeheartedly appreciate your loyalty to American Airlines, and we remain committed to earning your business each and every day.
Respectfully,
Dan GartonExecutive Vice PresidentMarketing
P.S. You may have already contacted us via AA.com® or by writing directly to Customer Relations. Let me reassure you that we will respond directly to your contact just as quickly as practical.
As you can imagine, American's decision to cancel thousands of flights this week was difficult, and it undoubtedly created concern among our best customers – even those who had no travel plans during the period.
If in your travels you were among the many who have been personally affected, I sincerely regret the inconvenience you have experienced. Our employees will continue to work around the clock to accommodate all who still need to reach their desired destinations. We anticipate returning to a full schedule by Monday.
While the media reports have documented the reasons why American took this action and the steps we're taking to re-accommodate and compensate affected customers, I've also attached an explanation of the events for your understanding. It's a bit complex, but at the end of it all, please know this:
First, your safety and the safety of our employees remains our number one priority.
Second, we will learn from this experience, and we will get better.
Finally, we wholeheartedly appreciate your loyalty to American Airlines, and we remain committed to earning your business each and every day.
Respectfully,
Dan GartonExecutive Vice PresidentMarketing
P.S. You may have already contacted us via AA.com® or by writing directly to Customer Relations. Let me reassure you that we will respond directly to your contact just as quickly as practical.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Great sayings
So, we inherit lots of things from our parents and their parents. Hair color, height, if you have hair on your knuckles (or your head, or back...) and the list goes on and on. One thing I got from my elders were some great sayings. Some of those sayings were:
From my dad's dad (Pawpaw) - "I don't think I understand all I know about that"
Pawpaw - "I'll be" (drawn out "I'll")
Pawpaw - "What kind of deal is that" (thanks to my brother for reminding me of that one)
My mom's dad (Papa) - Mon Dieu ("French for My God")
and possibly my favorite:
From my dad's mom (Mawmaw) - "I'd rather owe you than cheat you out of it".
What sayings have you inherited?
From my dad's dad (Pawpaw) - "I don't think I understand all I know about that"
Pawpaw - "I'll be" (drawn out "I'll")
Pawpaw - "What kind of deal is that" (thanks to my brother for reminding me of that one)
My mom's dad (Papa) - Mon Dieu ("French for My God")
and possibly my favorite:
From my dad's mom (Mawmaw) - "I'd rather owe you than cheat you out of it".
What sayings have you inherited?
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
What I like. What I hate.
Food -
LIKE - My favorite food has to be just about anything pasta based (my mother is hating hearing this). I love spaghetti and meatballs.
DISLIKE - My LEAST favorite food is celery. I can't even stand the smell of it (yes, it DOES have a smell).
TV -
LIKE - WWE RAW is WAR, Rob & Big, Modern Marvels, Gangland, The Big House, JAIL, Arrested Development, Golf
DISLIKE - Moment of Truth (but I wind up watching it every week), Any show that has those stupid Bowflex commercials on it, Curling, That Bret Michaels Rock of Love crapfest
What are you likes and dislikes?
LIKE - My favorite food has to be just about anything pasta based (my mother is hating hearing this). I love spaghetti and meatballs.
DISLIKE - My LEAST favorite food is celery. I can't even stand the smell of it (yes, it DOES have a smell).
TV -
LIKE - WWE RAW is WAR, Rob & Big, Modern Marvels, Gangland, The Big House, JAIL, Arrested Development, Golf
DISLIKE - Moment of Truth (but I wind up watching it every week), Any show that has those stupid Bowflex commercials on it, Curling, That Bret Michaels Rock of Love crapfest
What are you likes and dislikes?
Monday, March 24, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Some funny pictures
These look like they're from Japan, some just make me scratch my head, a few make me laugh. I really like the Ronald McDonald.
http://my.mmoabc.com/article/Michael/2670/We-live-in-strange-times.html
http://my.mmoabc.com/article/Michael/2670/We-live-in-strange-times.html
Friday, March 14, 2008
How to clean a toilet (or a cat)
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely,
The Dog
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Need a bathroom?
Can't find one? Well...you can thank me later, but I have the PERFECT solution to your problem.
Bathroom Finder
Doesn't do you much good if you're at home, right? WELL, they thought of that too. Here's a mobile toilet finder from mizpee.com
Mobile Toilet Finder
Bathroom Finder
Doesn't do you much good if you're at home, right? WELL, they thought of that too. Here's a mobile toilet finder from mizpee.com
Mobile Toilet Finder
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
5 Second Movies
No time to spend 1/2 a day watching Titanic? Don't want to watch the same Rocky movie 5 times? Here's the Cliff's Notes version of some classic movies, and movie series. What will you do with all your spare time?
Titanic in 5 seconds
Rocky in 5 seconds
Gladiator in 5 seconds
Snakes on a Plane
Titanic in 5 seconds
Rocky in 5 seconds
Gladiator in 5 seconds
Snakes on a Plane
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